Meanwhile, in Batshitistan:

“A Tallahassee charter school principal has been forced to resign after parents complained about a sixth grade art history lesson, claiming Michelangelo’s statue of David, arguably the most famous sculpture in the world, was ‘pornographic’.”

Okay, listen up Evangelicals (because you know this is who made this happen). I’m going to give you a little theology lesson here. You know Adam and Eve, the prototypical cis/straight couple that you hold up as your ideal in marriage? The ones you believe were created six thousand years ago using one of the two processes specified in Genesis because of course everything in the Bible is literal even when it contradicts?

Anyway, you know they were naked before they ate of the tree, right? Probably looked a lot like Michelangelo’s David prior to the fall. And God said that was good.

And you know how they responded to eating the fruit of the tree? Shame. They covered up their nakedness.

Kind of like what you’re doing when your kids are being shown a statue with a package. And, by the way, God thinks that package is good.

God created it.

But I guess I can’t expect you to be any better informed about what your own sacred book teaches than you are about what is actually pornographic.

Oh, and I’m pretty sure your sixth-graders already know what a penis looks like.